BRIDGING THE GAP BETWEEN THE SACRED AND THE PROFANE 

Presence

by Duane Mullner, M.Th., LPC

In our Gestalt training curriculum, we speak of being present to our clients. What does presence mean in the context of a therapeutic relationship? Does presence mean:

• I sit with my client and act interested?
• I invite awareness of my client’s breath, emotions, and thoughts in the moment?
• I respond spontaneously to how the client interrupts his/her flow of life?
• I speak only when spoken to?

I believe that one is fully present to the client when the therapist’s mind, heart, and soul bid the client to be fully visible and known. So presence, for me, is a transpersonal expression, a transpersonal experience. Presence is about vitality, connection, and full awareness in the moment. The rainbow can be seen in the sky but becomes present to me when I consciously and actively unite with the weaving of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet in a perfect arc of white light. I not only see, but I also experience the phenomena of refracted light. When the fawn is running toward her mother in the woods and I stop hiking and experience the union, I become present to nature and nature becomes present to me. We are in communion. To the extent that I am fully aware of the client’s life experience in the moment with an engaged mind, heart, and soul, I become present to the client and the client becomes present to me. We sit in communion and honor community.

When I am present to the client as therapist, I am active and interactive. Not only my body is present but also my mind, heart, and soul. As the person in the chair across from mine is talking about the death and loss of her brother from AIDS, my mind is present as I reflectively listen and skillfully facilitate her grief work. We may address the necessary physical and emotional activities to cope. On this plane of intervention, the grieving person and myself are joined on an intellectual level. I believe I become more present to the client when I silently experience my heartfelt response of knowing grief in my own life. This is the response that allows me to sit with calm and stillness to the pain, anger, and overall discomfort of the client. At this stage, words can’t express what is experienced and felt by the client’s loss.

Platonic love may be experienced and felt. As the grief work is explored further, the deepest connection and experience of presence occurs from a soulful response. The therapist may have the following thought: "But for the grace of God go I." This is where the work becomes transpersonal for me. I connect with the client on the most intimate level of discovering the meaning and purpose of the grief for her. When I studied theology, I not only learned about God but I also learned about being human. I first became familiar with the concept of presence in understanding the Eucharistic presence. That through my conscious intent and simple invitation, the earthly elements of bread and wine become the medium through which I, a Christian, could intimately experience the divine.

(While I stand within the Judeo-Christian heritage, I am respectful of my client’s belief system and work within her faith-framework).

I believe that as I choose to be fully conscious and open to the client’s exploration of "How will my life be different after my brothers death" I, too, am changed and influenced. It is my change that profoundly affects the client. My presence in the moment and the client’s presence in the moment invite a shift and sharing in seeing grief not as debilitating dis-ease but as expanding vision. Jean-Pierre DeCaussade quotes in his book, The Sacrament of the Present Moment:

"The only condition necessary for this state of self-surrender is the present moment in which the soul, light as a feather, fluid as water, innocent as a child, responds to every moment of grace like a floating balloon."

As I reflect upon the power of presence, two attributes come to mind. When I am present to another human being, they become present to me. I am aware of the synergistic quality of presence. I recall how I often sit in a therapy session and am in awe of the client’s movement toward clarity of mind, increased strength, and innate ability to cope as I grow in clarity of my role and my boundary. Thus it is my sense of self, my clearly defined boundary that supports my client’s sense of self. My grief can be touched and because of my boundaries, I can understand and facilitate the client’s grief. As Fritz Perls states, "I am I and you are you; I am not in this world to live up to your expectations and you are not in this world to live up to mine." Presence is the antithesis of enmeshment.

My intent with this article is to awaken the heart and soul of every therapist to the power and value of presence. As instructors we can teach skill and the mastery of thought-out interventions. We can’t teach the heart and soul of a therapist to guide the heart and soul of the client. It is best that we become pupils of the client’s process as we invite his/her heart and soul to teach us life from their experience in the moment. In so doing, we might be bridging the gap not only between the sacred and the profane but also between client and therapist.